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“Love or Fear”

Most Saturday mornings you can find me at Starbucks. No, I’m not there writing. Instead, I’m most likely deep in discussion with my good friend Nick.

We meet weekly to share our lives and encourage one another. This past weekend he shared a story with me about a pastor name Louie Giglio whose ministry deals with young people dealing with anxiety and depression.

This particular pastor had his own bout with anxiety and set out to encourage those going through the same struggles. His ministry is credited with saving many young people from committing the darkest of acts–taking their own lives.

Over the last summer there was a wave of high profile suicides in the news. It’s hard to understand how seemingly successful people like Anthony Bourdain and Kate Spade could take their own lives. It seems like there are more and more of these types of stories. Maybe it’s because, in fact, the suicide rate has increased 28% since 2001.

How can folks get into the mindset where this type of act is even a possibility?

Sometimes you just can’t see a way out of your situation.

2009 was a very tough year for me. I had purchased a small cabinet manufacturing business in the spring of 2007 and 15 months later a financial crisis hit the country.

My real estate business and my new cabinet business were devastated. At the time, I had four full time employees and income from both companies was slashed overnight. I had no idea how I was going pay my bills or how I was going to pay my employees.

One of those employees was my older sister who helped run both businesses. One day I walked in and said, “Veronica, I feel like I could just fall over dead.”

I meant it. She knew I meant it. I felt like my body was just going to give out. The stress was too much. I just wanted the pain to go away. Truly, I couldn’t see past my circumstances.

Although I just wanted to get out of the situation, I never considered taking my own life, but, in those dark moments, I got a glimpse of how someone could be seduced by the idea.

Something had to give, the pain just seemed too much to handle. Failure was at hand and many of the people I loved were going to be hurt. It was almost like watching a wreck in slow motion. I knew the crash was coming.

Ultimately, my choice was to focus on love or fear. My love for my family overrode any fear of what was about to come. Their well being overrode the pain I was experiencing, so I made the decision to keep moving forward, despite the impending doom.

Love or Fear. These are the two filters with which to view our circumstances. Choosing one produces hope and faith and infinite possibilities. The other produces anxiety and depression and sure destruction.

One is authored by the Creator of life and the other comes from the father of lies.

The father of lies tells a particularly evil lie to folks in the midst of depression–your life doesn’t matter.

He’s wrong. He’s a liar.

Your life matters to everyone who knows you. Your life also matters to those who need a friend.

If you know someone who is going through something difficult try sharing with them something Nick shared with me this Saturday. It’s just three words, but these just three words can make all of the difference.

I’m with you.

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When my son was in third grade I coached his basketball team. On that team we had a kid named Casey.

Casey had the attention span of Dory. You know the fish from Finding Nemo.

Many kids in the third grade can have attention issues, however, Casey was next level. A league of his own.

When it was Casey’s turn to go into the game, he played like his hair was on fire. Out of control. Chaotic.

What do you do as a coach with a kid like that? He’s not doing his part because he doesn’t understand his role. He just wouldn’t listen.

Early on I decided to manage him differently than I did the rest of the players. I knew that it would be futile to try to fit him into our system. Instead of trying to address Casey’s weakness, I sought to find his strengths.

I came to realize that for the first 2 minutes he was in the game he was amazing. He would defend, dive for balls, rebound and disrupt the other team. But only for 2 minutes. In minute 3 he was fouling, turning the ball over and hurting the team.

So, I would play Casey in every quarter, but for only 2 minutes at a time and when I saw that look in his eye, I sat him down.

He turned out to be an important part of our team. It was one of my best coaching jobs ever.

His skill sets were different, but still very valuable to the mission of our team.

Finding the right role for a player is the job of a good leader.

Yesterday I had the opportunity to speak at the University of Cincinnati.

My good friend Barry Baker teaches a leadership class to undergrads. In order to give the students real world context he invited a few people from the business world to share their leadership experiences and to answer questions.

For those of you who are raising kids, coaching a ball club, or running a small business, here are the tips I shared with the students:

“First, people are the asset, their value cannot be underestimated. In order to lead them, make them your priority. Understand how finding the right people is the most important decision you will ever make as a leader.

Second, if you want to lead others you must first become someone worth following. The most difficult person you will ever manage is the person looking back at you in the mirror. Make self development a priority in your life.

Next, good leaders put people in a position to succeed. Every person has unique skills and ability. Find their natural point of aim and make sure their role in your organization is right for their skill sets and interests. Kids are the same. Parents shouldn’t force their kid to play sports if they are more inclined to make music. A good football coach doesn’t take a small, fast runner and put him on the offensive line. No, he puts him at tailback or wide receiver, something more fitting his skills and natural ability.

Finally, good leaders are good storytellers.

You see, if you want to lead people and get them to support your cause, you first have to get their attention. Once you have their attention you have to get them to understand the mission and your vision of how the mission will be executed.
Ultimately, you need to earn their trust.

The question becomes how do you accomplish all three of these?

Stories.

Stories get attention. Stories give context. Stories build trust.

Storytelling is the cornerstone of good leadership. Parents who want teach their kids a life lesson can best accomplish this with a good story. Rules get replaced with stories which give deeper context and understanding. The same thing happens with leaders who can lead their people with meaningful stories.”

Sharing those tips with the students was rewarding for me. As a coach, I was in my element. It’s what I love to do. I love encourage, to teach, to lead.

My career has been built on my ability to lead. I’ve practiced leadership for over 30 years as a father, a manager, and now as the owner of my own business. I’ve practiced it on the baseball field, the basketball court, and in the martial arts studio.

Coaching and leading is my craft and over time I’ve mastered it by practicing it continually. As my company grows, I plan to continue leading.

Leading by striving to be someone worth following. Leading by putting folks in my care in a position to succeed. Leading by becoming the best storyteller I can be.

Leadership, like any craft, requires dedication and practice.

Yeah, all of those years of coaching were a wonderful blessing. I wonder what Casey’s doing nowadays?
Whatever it is, I’ll bet he’s giving it his all!

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October 20th, 2018 will go down as one of the greatest days of my life. My son Scott was married to his long time sweetheart Shelbi Vincent at The Woodford on Main Street in Cincinnati. The wedding ceremony could not have been sweeter.

Scott and Shelbi recited their vows to one another, but it wasn’t your typical “honor and obey” kind of declaration. No, each of them spoke to one another from the heart.

Scott began by recalling the time Shelbi stood by him during a debilitating series of panic attacks. While he was reading the prepared text he remembered her kindness and compassion during that low point in his life. The memory was too much for him as his voice started to crack, and the emotions took over. Those in the audience couldn’t quite make out what he was saying, but his reaction said more than words could ever describe. He began to sob as he read his vows. Her reaction was priceless, as she looked deeply into his eyes as if to say, –it’s okay, I understand. The entire audience was in tears. It was totally organic and quite unexpected as Scott rarely shows his emotions, especially in a public forum.

Shelbi’s vows were delivered flawlessly as she set the tone for what is truly important. Not the wedding ceremony. Not the flowers. Not the table settings. Not the dress. Not the invitations. No, not the trappings and stress of putting 150 people in a room and performing a ceremony, but the years that follow. The trials and tribulations of life and the building of a relationship. The coming together as husband and wife. She too was quite emotional as she laid out her promise to the groom. Not. A. Dry. Eye.

Although the ceremony was as good as it gets, the reason this event will go down as one of the best nights of my life is because of the people who were in the room.

In life, people are all that matters.

My sister Veronica and her daughter Danielle were there with their families after planning and assembling the components of this blessed event. Kevin, Veronica’s husband, built an amazing wedding arbor, while Danielle and Veronica designed and built the table settings, gift table, candles, and so many other details that helped make this event special. Of course Theresa and I helped coordinate and showed up on the day of the wedding to help set up efforts. It was a total team effort as we all pulled together to make it happen. I visited with them for a while and then proceeded to make my way to each of the tables.

As I visited each guest I realized how each of them have contributed to not only Scott’s life, but also to mine.
You see, there was Wade, Scott’s best friend in middle school who lived on our street and who I coached in basketball for four years. Then there was Jason and Bryce who were groomsmen and who formed a band with Scott in their freshman year of high school. Jason also played basketball with us for four years. Shane, another groomsman was also on the team, and has become a good friend of mine.

Actually, it seems that I’m closer to Scott’s friends than with members of my own family. Although I’m thankful for all of my relationships, my family relationships are an area in my life where I know I can improve.

My brothers and sisters were all at the wedding and I enjoyed hanging out with them and celebrating, but I’m wondering now how to bring them into my life on a more regular basis. Why don’t we see each other anymore?

It’s on me. I realize these relationships have not been a priority. That’s going to change.

Monday I had lunch with Scott and Shelbi and we reminisced about the big night. They, as it turns out were discussing the same exact issue. How do we see more of our family on a regular basis?

It all begins with making our relationships a priority.
I for one am dedicated to making it happen, because weddings don’t happen everyday.

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Every June members of congress gather on a baseball diamond to play the annual Congressional Baseball Game for Charity.

Last year on June 14th, 2017 the players gathered for their last day of practice before the big event at Nationals Park, the home field for the Washington Nationals.

Early in the morning as they warmed up, a shot rang out. A gunman, who was living in his van across the street, set out to kill some congressmen. Multiple shots were fired and five players were hit, along with congressman Steve Scalise who was critically injured. Thankfully, he and the others all survived and with some therapy is back to work.

One of the members of the team, who assisted Steve Scalise with medical attention on that fateful day, recently visited my office.

Friday I interviewed U.S. Congressman Brad Wenstrup on my podcast. He told the story of the shooting in amazing detail along with his personal story as well. The congressman is an amazing storyteller, although I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. In order to be elected to the U.S. Congress, you would think being a storyteller is a prerequisite.

As I listened to my guest I realized how important storytelling is to forming relationships. When someone shares their personal story with you it gives you context for what makes them tick. It helps you understand why they think the way they think. Stories help you understand why people believe what they believe.

Brad Wenstrup told me about how he grew up collecting pop bottles to pay for his baseball cards, and how his mom made him put money aside for savings before he was allowed to buy the cards. He told me why he decided to become a doctor and then why he decided to run for office. He told me about how he lost his first political race running against Mark Mallory in the race for Mayor of Cincinnati. He told me about how his sister overcame cancer.

His story gave me context for him as a person. His story revealed his humanity.

Likewise, I shared my story with him.

When the congressman and his representative arrived at the front door, I thanked them for coming and as I do with most of my guests, I gave him a brief history of the building. That it was built in 1900 and how Theresa and I remodeled it from top to bottom. I shared with him how I started my real estate brokerage after the crash of 2008 after my cabinet business and my real estate business tanked in the aftermath. I shared with him how I became a storyteller after every other method of business development led me astray. I shared with him about how writing and podcasting led me to write a book. I shared with him how I grew up very poor and started my own business at eight years old from an advertisement I saw in the back of a comic book.

You see, when our interview was over the congressman and I had full context for one another. We had affinity for one another. All because we shared our stories.

As I do with many guests I gave him copy of my book. Before he left, he looked me in the eye and said, “Well, are you gonna sign it or what?”

I laughed and said, “Of course, I’d be honored.”

Stories are the currency for developing relationships.

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Every June members of congress gather on a baseball diamond to play the annual Congressional Baseball Game for Charity.

Last year on June 14th, 2017 the players gathered for their last day of practice before the big event at Nationals Park, the home field for the Washington Nationals.

Early in the morning as they warmed up, a shot rang out. A gunman, who was living in his van across the street, set out to kill some congressmen. Multiple shots were fired and five players were hit, along with congressman Steve Scalise who was critically injured. Thankfully, he and the others all survived with some therapy is back to work.

One of the members of the team, who assisted Steve Scalise with medical attention on that fateful day, recently visited my office.

Friday I interviewed U.S. Congressman Brad Wenstrup on my podcast. He told the story of the shooting in amazing detail along with his personal story as well. The congressman is an amazing storyteller, although I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. In order to be elected to the U.S. Congress, you would think being a storyteller is a prerequisite.

As I listened to my guest I realized how important storytelling is to forming relationships. When someone shares their personal story with you it gives you context for what makes them tick. It helps you understand why they think the way they think. Stories help you understand why people believe what they believe.

Brad Wenstrup told me about how he grew up collecting pop bottles to pay for his baseball cards, and how his mom made him put money aside for savings before he was allowed to buy the cards. He told me why he decided to become a doctor and then why he decided to run for office. He told me about how he lost his first political race running against Mark Mallory in the race for Mayor of Cincinnati. He told me about how his sister overcame cancer.

His story gave me context for him as a person. His story revealed his humanity.

For more information on Brad Wenstrup visit: wenstrup.house.gov

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Sa Bum Nim

Years ago I learned that the most important tasks should be done first thing in the morning. It’s the easiest appointment to keep and my energy level is at its peak.

Writing is one of my early morning appointments.

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I’ve got a very tough life.

It’s October 15th and I’m in St. George’s, Grenada. The universe knows how much I love a gentle breeze and on cue, as I sit to write, the palm trees begin to stir.

Where is St. George’s? Well, it’s about as close to South America as you can get without leaving the Caribbean Islands. It’s tropical. I think today it’s 87 degrees. Our hotel is on Grand Anse beach which is one of the top ranked beaches in the world. (Grand Anse, French origin, means Large Cove )

You see, this trip happens yearly for Theresa and I as it is a requirement for her job. Yes, I know, A REQUIREMENT. Sounds so difficult doesn’t it?

I told you–a tough life.

Anyhow, I asked her to try to get out of it this year and her boss was having none of it. As the time came near for us to catch our flight, I was stressing as my calendar is full with work related items and of course we are preparing for my son’s upcoming wedding.

Sometimes, I think I’m a broken toy. Who tries to get out of a trip to a tropical island? What’s wrong with me?

I am an artist. That’s what’s wrong with me. I’m a creator, an entrepreneur, and I love to build things. You know, start things. Write things. Improve things. You know, like a woodworker or a blacksmith only my raw materials are ideas instead of wood and metal.

The curse of the creative person is that they have difficulty living in the moment. Instead we live in the future. We live in the “yet to be created”. My mind is always solving problems and mapping solutions. Business builders like to build because it fulfills their creative impulses. It’s why I tried to get out of this amazing trip, as I’m working on building something special.

Ryan France owns a real estate brokerage in Texas. He and I are working on a project. Our project seeks to solve the biggest problem in the real estate business–how to duplicate ourselves. You know, like a clone.

You see, real estate agents can only do so much because our time is limited. Once our business grows to a certain level, our time becomes more and more scarce. The problem we are trying to solve? –how can we continue to give great service to our clients with a limited number of hours?

It will require a brand new business model. It will require time, which I don’t really have to give. Certainly I can’t fly to Grenada, can I?

In life problems aren’t always this OR that? You know, choosing this thing or that thing. In fact, what I’ve learned is that most things in life are this AND that. Why can’t I fly to Grenada, and practice my artistry?

My Grenada trip turned out to be a blessing both as an entrepreneur and as a human. Lol. (I crack myself up)

You see, it takes hours and hours of down time to get to the destination. I spent the hours in the airport, and on the plane mapping out the new business model. My trip allowed me the time to get away from the office to figure out the tasks of a real estate transaction and to create a new model that allows me to give better service to my clients no matter how big my practice grows.

On that plane, and in that airport, my creative juices flowed. I was in my element as the ideas and problem solving skills were firing like a well honed engine.

This OR that, or, this AND that? Choose well my friend.

I’ve gotta go, it’s time to walk the beach.

Yeah, I’ve got a tough life.

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Today’s guest is actually the host of Loveland Advice Giver’s podcast, Ron Adams. Tune in to hear the story of an 8 year old enthralled by comic books and the discovery of an unlikely business venture on the back of one of those books.

Ron now works in real estate, hosts the Impact Club of Loveland, has written the book “Salesperson to Superhero”, and hosts this very own podcast (just to name a few things). All of this operates off of the power of storytelling and this is how he does business in a different way.

First and foremost Ron is looking for connections to local business owners and community leaders who would be interested in being a guest on the podcast. Please nominate them or sign up at Lovelandpodcast.com

If you are interested in Ron’s real estate practice you can email him at ron@bastionrealtors.com

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My sister is one year older than me.

When we were growing up, I used to hang out with her. She had friends. They were girls. So, I hung out with the girls.

When you hang out with girls at 5, 6, 7 years old, you do what the girls do. You play the games girls play.

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Today’s topic: Passion Project. It’s been one year since I received the first copy of my book “Salesperson to Superhero.”

Check out the book at salespersontosuperhero.com

Watch the daily live video at facebook.com/lovelandadvicegiver